A Letter To My Pre-Pregnancy Body

Dear Pre-Baby Body,

I’m sorry I was mean to you. I’m sorry I scoffed at you when I accidentally looked at you in the reflection of a window when I walked by. I’m sorry I avoided my reflection at all costs, and criticized you in every picture that was taken of me. I’m sorry I stuffed you with bad stuff and never took you to the gym.

Comparison is the thief of joy, and I’m sorry I compared you to every other body I saw. I’m sorry I found all of your faults, and voiced my disproval of them on the regular. I’m sorry I blew off compliments other people gave to you, and always found a way to put you down.

You were good. In high school and college, you were really good, and a lot of the time I didn’t notice, or appreciate you. I would still cringe at my reflection, compare you to the other girls, and worry constantly about how to change you. What I didn’t realize back then was that you were great just the way you were. And I’m sorry I was so critical.

And then you did something amazing. You grew a person. And something about that miracle changed the way I thought about you. I started to spend more time in the mirror. I started to notice the things you were doing, and I loved them. I started to say positive things about you, and be proud of you, and appreciate you. You withstood a lot in 9 months, and you really hung in there. And then, after 9 months and 4 days, when I finally learned to get out of your way and do your thing, you gave me my boy.

And then, I’m ashamed to admit, it was only a few days after you completed that incredible feat that I started to hate you again. Instead of appreciating the scars and marks that you endured to give me this precious life, I judged you and avoided you and went right back to finding every single fault you had. And at this point, you had more faults than you ever had before. You were bigger, and worn out, and stretched and droopy and sore and different. And I went from loving you and what you could do, right back to hating you.

And now we find ourselves 3 months away from another miracle, and I’ve come crawling back. I admire you in the mirror again, I rub you in the places you’re getting bigger, I’m proud of you and what you’re doing. I wish we didn’t have this love/hate relationship. I wish I would always love you like I love you right now. I hope that when we reach the end of this miraculous adventure, that I would look at you with pride and satisfaction and remember that every mark and line is a reminder of what you did.

And I could be better about putting better fuel into you, into walking and then running and getting back to the gym. You deserve that. You deserve to be at your prime, to feel and look good, after all you’ve done.

You are forever changed, and you may never be as small or as tight as you once were. And I hope that I can learn to accept that, and to love you for what you were, what you’ve done, and everything you will do.

I’m sorry I was mean to you before. I will do my best to love you better this time around.

-Me.