I didn't think about my mom

Wake up. feed him breakfast. sweep. feed the dog. get dressed. blow up helium balloons. blow up inflatable kiddie pools. hook up hoses. make lemonade. set up tables. go to the store for ice. entertain the birthday boy. go get more ice. put up decorations. make goodie bags. fill coolers with drinks.set up food station. respond to 103 texts about when and where the party is. clean up. get Dawson dressed. get dressed.

breathe.

greet guests.offer snacks.get drinks. greet guests. dress Dawson. answer phone calls from lost guests. mingle with friends. blow bubbles.splash with Dawson in the kiddie pool. watch the neighbor kids enjoy the water toys. watch Dawson enjoy watermelon for the first time. greet more guests. get more drinks. assign someone to bbq. mingle. greet late guests. light candles. sing happy birthday to my two year old. slice cake. serve cake. open presents. clean up presents. cuddle cranky and tired baby. give away goodie bags. say good bye to guests.

breathe.

dump out kiddie pools. throw away trash. trash. trash. deflate inflatables. empty coolers. clean up water station. put presents away. put away extra food. take out the trash. comfort an exhausted baby. fold tables and chairs. take down balloons.

breathe. 

Then Alexx comes out with a single helium balloon in one hand and Dawson on her hip. "This balloon is for his other grandma" she said sweetly. "What do we call her?"

Grandma Angel.

"Thanks for being part of our party Grandma Angel! Okay Dawson, give it a kiss and let it go"

the balloon sailed away and Dawson watches it until it disappears.

And it is then I realize, I hadn't thought about my mom all day. I went through one of the most important days of my life, and Dawson's, and didn't think about her once. I felt like a terrible daughter. I shoulda...coulda... woulda. I should have said something at the party or set up a picture of her or something.

SOMETHING.

So I let myself feel guilty for a minute. And then I stopped. Because I was focused on my baby. My son. My little guy. I was pouring every ounce of time and love and patience and energy and thought into making his birthday special, just like she did every day for me. She would have been pissed if I spent HIS day worrying about her. The birthdays of her kids were almost more a big deal for her than they were for us, and now, as a parent, I totally get it. It's an emotional day, and a day to celebrate how far they've come.

So yes, I went almost the whole day and didn't think about my mom. And I think my mom would be proud of me. Because I spent it loving the most precious gift I've ever received, just like she taught me to.