That "Judge-y" Mom Thing We All Do

I hate that weird, mommy, judgey-thing we do. It happens a lot at playgroups and birthday parties and playgrounds, anywhere where moms talk to other moms about what their babies are or aren’t doing.

And I’m guilty of doing it too. I’m not talking about judging other moms, I’m talking about that thing we do with our eyebrows, that shoulder shrug, that lip tightening, when we tell other moms about something we are doing (or aren’t doing) with our little ones. It’s the nonverbal, “please-don’t-jump-on-me-like-a-ravenous-pack-of wolves” thing we do when we are anticipating that our parenting decision is going to be seen as wrong or bad or weird to the “other moms”

We HAVE to stop doing that.

If you are currently struggling with getting your toddler to give up the binky, we can all relate to that. If, in the midst of two and half days of tantrums, no sleep, super market melt downs and the incessant begging for their beloved binki you gave it back, we get that too.  You didn’t “give in” you didn’t “fail” you didn’t “let them win.” You made a parenting decision that worked for you and worked for your toddler. The no binky thing did’t work today?  We’ll try again tomorrow. Or maybe next month. Or maybe she’ll take it college (kidding…)  Own the fact that it’s a struggle, but don’t shamefully “admit” defeat or feel embarrassed. You are the parent. You made the call. You are doing what works for you, at this moment. And you’ll make another call in another moment. That is parenting.

Same goes for breastfeeding or not breastfeeding, co sleeping or not co sleeping. Don’t do that eyebrow raise or nose scrunch that sub consciously asks the other moms “is that okay?” when you’re talking about how doing the cry it out thing just isn’t for you. Or that your baby sleeps in your bed. Or that you have her rear facing in the car. Or he still takes a bottle.

We are all moms. We are all figuring this out. All of our kids are different and what works for one mom won’t work for the next. But we must stop judging ourselves. Not every parenting decision we make is going to be the right one, but we made it and we have to be okay with those decisions, and if anything , use them as leaning opportunities.

Challenge yourself to speak confidently about the things that work (and don’t work) for you and your kids, without downplaying them, without worrying about what the other moms think, and without second-guessing yourself.

You’re a good mom. Your kid is going to be fine. Your kid needs to see the one most influential female role model is his or her life be able to make decisions confidently and without fear of judgment. They also need to see us admit that a decision we made wasn’t the best one, but that we learned from it and can move forward.

Support and encourage other moms often. And save some of that support and encouragement for yourself.

Stop being so….judgy. You’re rocking this mom thing.